Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used by one person to dominate, intimidate, and manipulate another, typically in an intimate relationship. It can involve psychological, emotional, financial, or social abuse—such as isolating the person from friends and family, monitoring their movements, controlling their finances, or threatening harm. Unlike physical violence, coercive control is often subtle and ongoing, aiming to strip the victim of their autonomy and sense of self. 

Here are some examples:

• Isolation – Stopping someone from seeing friends or family, or making them feel guilty for spending time with others.

• Monitoring – Checking their phone, emails, or social media without permission; tracking their movements.

• Financial control – Taking their money, controlling how they spend it, or preventing them from working.

• Threats – Threatening to hurt them, their loved ones, or pets; threatening to take away children.

• Gaslighting – Denying things that happened, making the person question their memory or sanity.

• Rules and micromanagement – Setting strict rules for behavior, dress, or speech, and punishing any deviation.

• Jealousy and accusations – Constantly accusing the person of cheating or flirting, even without reason.

If you're looking for resources to understand it better, here are some helpful links:

https://www.healthline.com/health/coercive-control

https://www.peacheycounselling.ca/blog/recognizing-the-signs-of-coercive-control-to-protect-yourself-from-sexually-abusive-relationships

https://mates4mates.org/news/explaining-coercive-control

Helping someone see the reality of an abusive relationship requires patience, empathy, and careful conversation. Rather than directly trying to convince them to leave—which can sometimes cause defensiveness—thoughtful questions can encourage self-reflection. Here are some gentle, yet impactful questions to ask:

• How do you feel when you're around your partner? Do you feel safe, respected, and valued?

• Have you noticed changes in yourself since being in this relationship? Are you more anxious, withdrawn, or uncertain?

• How does your partner handle disagreements? Do they listen, compromise, or do you feel scared to bring up concerns?

• Do you feel free to make your own decisions? Can you spend time with friends and family without fearing their reaction?

• Has your partner ever made you feel guilty for standing up for yourself or expressing your needs?

• If someone you loved was in your situation, what advice would you give them?

• What do you think a healthy relationship looks like? Does your relationship align with that vision?

• Do you feel like yourself anymore? If not, when did that change?

• How would life look if you felt truly free to be yourself?

People in abusive relationships often struggle with guilt, fear, and manipulation, so it’s crucial to approach these conversations with compassion rather than pressure. If they open up, gently encourage them to seek support—from trusted friends, family, or professional resources.